The Things That Demand Treatment…

Tonight was my home group for AA. It was a good meeting. Topic was the first few paragraphs of chapter two, There is a Solution. I was actually called on. You see at this meeting the chairperson calls on people to share. You don’t just blurt out if you want to share. It’s a more civilized way of doing things in my opinion. How did I come up with civilized and AA in the same breathe but I think you catch my drift.

And we all went out for tacos afterwards. The old meeting after the meeting. Its always good to catch up with everyone and see how their lives are going. It amazes me that these once worthless drunks are now successful business owners and professionals. Not all are professionals. But the point is that they have turned their lives around. Its a wild thing to witness. To be honest there used to be some bitterness and jealousy surrounding what I just mentioned. The fact that some of the guys that I came into the rooms with stayed sober and are kicking ass, where as I did not and I am rebuilding again. But I can honestly say that I don’t have those feelings today.

Wednesday is a time for me to spend a few hours with my sponsor. He is a very patient man with me, he never loses his cool. I have no problem telling him exactly what is going on in my life or better yet what’s going on in my twisted little brain. In the past I would try to sugarcoat everything or leave out certain facts about my life and the results were that I would get drunk. I don’t have that luxury any longer. My nine lives are getting used up in that department.

Today I learned of the passing of one of my friends in the program. He was a good soul but ultimately succumbed to the disease of addiction and alcoholism. I have known him for many years as we both were in and out of the rooms of recovery. The last that I heard of him he was coming around but lacking any seriousness in getting sober and quite indignant to the process which I understand. Apparently his father found him in the bathroom with a needle in his arm. This is the reality of what I am dealing with. There was also a guy that we knew in the rooms that committed suicide just last week. He was a good friend of one of my home group members. My experience thus far in the program that these occurrences happen with alarming frequency. This disease demands to be treated. Meaning I treat it with the twelve steps or I treat it with intoxicants, or I treat it with the final act of selfishness.

Stay vigilant friends!! This disease will not go away. It has to be met where it is at. I will miss my friend and I hope that he is absent of pain. I refuse to preach. I am him in the end. In my final months of drinking and using I was putting a gun to my head daily. Not terribly proud of any of it but it’s the truth. Stay on the firing lines everyone. I will see you in the next one. Please e-mail and let me know how its all going. I hope you are all well….